“He was hungry. That was reality, and an issue he could confront here and now.” from Haunted Mesa by Louis L’Amour.
I just read that and it struck me. Maybe because I haven’t eaten and had only one small cup of coffee today. I may find it so profound later.
Jeff from Spectrum fixed my internet this morning. Thanks, Jeff. He was pleasant and efficient. I gave him a good review in the quality assurance follow-up. Torii hid under the couch.
I hoped my new sectional sofa would be delivered next week. I’m off and the other plans have all gone to hell. But, no. Ashley Home delivered one piece to the warehouse here, and they plan to make the other piece in September. I’m barely even irritated by this (at least right now). The mean, nasty part of my brain just says that of course it’s not, that fits with the way everything else has been going, and goes on about how I’m worthless and everybody— every friend and every store — used me because they can blah blah blah.
Even I’m not paying attention to it. It’s obviously such nonsense. So that’s good, right? Maybe a slim hopeful sign that I’m coming out of this? Maybe I’ll stay numb like this for awhile. That would be nice.
And there is a plus side to the no new couch issue: I don’t have to clean a much. I’m still going to do a big clean & organize next week. I just don’t have to do “large area of the living room completely open and empty for new couch delivery” clean.
Oh, I know what I meant to post about today. Just to clarify — when I did the Facebook Friends purge and (probably will regret) exit from the secret club, it wasn’t in anger. I wasn’t muttering about “showing them” or using the c- (or any other letter) word. And I didn’t cry. And I didn’t unfriend the secret club friends, just a cousin and her husband and people I worked with two jobs / over ten years ago. I didn’t unfriend people I actually see and talk to and like.
I’m not having a tantrum. I don’t hate or curse any of them (maybe the cousin but I’ve never liked her and I only accepted her friend request so she would stop sending me friend requests). I’m just very very sad because I believe these good intelligent funny women I’ve known for years, well, we just aren’t as close as we used to be.
Blame COVID. Or that the four of us live across three states now. Even the other one in Kentucky lives two hours away in the far northeast corner. I’m just not in their lives much anymore and they’re not in mine.
And maybe I only noticed because that bad bit of brain loves telling me how unloved I am. And right now it’s the loudest and most consistent voice in my life.
But it’s lunchtime and I’m hungry and that reality is something I can fix.
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