Sometime in the middle of the night,
(Seven words in and already I need an aside. This is just my way of saying you have been warned. Continue reading at your own risk.
I don’t know what time it was. Not even a vague ballpark guesstimate. I was that deeply asleep. I didn’t think to look at the clock and it wouldn’t have mattered because if I had been able to focus on the numbers I’m pretty sure they would have looked like tandom alien figures from a sci-fi movie.)
Torii was scratching at the duvet and hunching up weird. She was at the foot of the bed, but it was enough to jolt — literally, I must have looked like over-exaggerated looney tunes character hold live wires — me awake(ish).
Looking back on the incident I’d say only about a dozen brain cells actually made it all of the way to lucidity. Nine or so said, “Not an axe murderer,” and immediately submerged back into deep REM.
The remaining three . . . they tried, the valiant little brain cells that couldn’t. They understood the problem: cat is probably about to vomit on the duvet. Again. They just weren’t the crack problem-solving A team.
First off, I’m pretty sure they weren’t from the same parts of the brain. They probably didn’t speak the same language and were using some sort of grey matter Esperanto. Which they communicated over 1970s walkie talkies. Pretend walkie talkies. And I think one of them was really focused on making the fake krlithk sounds and saying “roger” and “over”.
So their efforts lacked coordination. Which meant I kind of flailed at Torii. Mostly just with my feet because there was no way I could have pulled off a complicated feat like sitting up. Torii just retreated to the chest that sits just beyond the bed’s footboard. The low chest which is covered in pjs and other clothes I mean to put away except in reality heaped on the chest is actually where they belong.
So. Me flailing uselessly. And nearly asleep again. Torii now doing whatever unspeakable cat grossness on my clean pjs. This has probably taken maybe half a minute so far.
The brain trio accept that it is hopeless. They drop whatever random marionette strings they’ve been yanking on and I’m still. And asleep.
I briefly (10 seconds, tops, probably less) wake a few times throughout the night with Torii pawing to get under the duvet with me and me telling her off because she’s puked or worse on the bed or the clothes or the floor or whatever I’ll have to face when I get up.
6:30-ish am. I’m coherent enough to read numbers on a clock. And I have to pee.
It is very cold and I feel like the worst cat mum for not letting Torii snuggle under the covers with me.
(note: this is foreshadowing)
I come back from the bathroom. I curse a bit because I meant to bring paper towels and the swiffer back with me but completely forgot in the 30 or so steps from the bathroom to my bedroom.
There is no (new) vomit on the duvet. No vomit on the chest or clothes on top of the chest. No vomit on the floor. Ditto no poop.
Ghostie mousie* is on the floor beside the bed.
So the cat’s weird middle-of-the-night behavior and my seizure-like response were because she wanted to play mousie.
oh.
Yeah, I suck.
I’m telling myself at least I learned a valuable lesson about getting all of the facts before deciding how to rationally handle a blah blah blah. Pretty sure the only lasting thing I got out of this is that while it is true that I am a very light sleeper and it doesn’t take much to wake me up, it is also true that there are some levels of sleep where I really need to add air quotes to the “wake up” part of that statement.
*Halloween shopping at Target (not a paid endorsement), I got Torii a bag of mousies. Four spooky colors, two in each color. White mousies are ghosties mousies, obviously. Then there’s:
green = monster mousies
orange = jack mousies
black = fledermousies
We’ve only gotten one ghostie mousie out so far. It disappears for days here and there, but then Torii will come trotting in with it in her mouth.
p.s. I haven’t posted a pic in awhile, so
Uley was missing one morning last week. I found him like this. Torii said they were playing “ancient tomb.” hmmmmm
p.p.s. Pretty sure the footnote goes after the postscripts, but I don’t feel like trying to copy/paste now that I gave this big photo to maneuver around.
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