I know. It's been a bit. I've been out of commission. No, I wasn't hit by a bus or anything.
I've been . . .
breathing.
eating.
sleeping (sometimes a little sometimes a lot).
going to work.
driving home.
doing it all over again the next day (and the next and the next).
And that's about it. That's been just a little bit more than I could handle every day. I wouldn't say I've been functioning (if only just), because I felt like I was failing every day at just that little bit. Failing st and utterly exhausted by all of it.
I do feel like I'm maybe moving back into the functioning range. I went to Kroger, Target, and Meijer today. I had to do the thing where I sort of trick myself into going out, but I did it.
Random aside: cheap old lady bun wigs are expensive online and nonexistent in the stores. I finally found an old man beard+mustache for $1.99 (versus the $19-25 for a wig online). I'm going to jerry rig it into the mana Bates hair for Uley.
Anyway, we last spoke, my anxiety skyrocketed -- again --, I've wearing heat patches and slathering on liniments and maxing Aleve because my shoulder (technically collar bone) arthritis has been trying to take me out, I finally got out of all heel casts and braces, and I forced myself out to the new drive-thru hippie coffee / cbd caravan.
I can't say how much of the improvement in my anxiety is due to hippie cbd caravan, but I'm sure the increased shoulder flexibility with decreased searing tearing pain is totally their doing.
Well, that was a crap sentence.
There was a seed exchange at the library and a lot of unclaimed seeds and cuttings were given to me. So I'm trying to keep more things alive. I doubt this is a good idea. Most days lately I'm sure BreakfastBot 3000 and the fountain are doing more for Torii than me. But I got root hormone powder for growing plants from cuttings, and actually planted the wisteria and other things that weren't labeled so I have no idea what I'm growing, so let's all keep our fingers crossed, please.
I've had a few crying my-friends-don't-really-like-me self-doubt self-loathing jags. So that always a good time.
It's just after 8:30 pm. I'm beat. I want to go to bed, cocoon in the duvet, sleep for days weeks forever.
I don't want to end this post with tears and exhaustion, so here's a pic of the pieces I cut for my peacock skirt. I probably won't use all of it. There's maybe 140 or so bits hanging there. But I'll use a lot of it.
Speaking of, it looks like Bestie is probably coming here for Hallowee'en. It's all a long soap opera, and not my soap to tell, so I won't go into it all.
It's officially October in just a few hours. (And of course it's already Octobet in many time zones.) This is the positive thought I'm going to try to hold onto as I fall asleep tonight.
Merry October Eve, everyone.
p.s. I really wish I could find a way to turn this whole post orange.
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