There’s no drama like fern drama

Top story:

I got a couple of those houseplant watering spiked. You know, they have small holes down the sides and twist onto a plastic bottle. Put bottle/spike into pot. Fill bottle with water. Water slowly seeps into soil. Well hydrated soil - no seepage. Dry soil - seepage.

I didn’t buy them. They were part if the summer reading participation package. They didn’t come with holes — which is kind of the point of their existence. The directions tell you to poke several small holes. Into the super heavy duty withstand a hurricane grade plastic. The directions don’t actually mention that last bit.

Using a hammer and two different types of nails I was able to make a half dozen holes in each spike in little over an hour. I reached that point where my left hand was cramped, possibly permanently, into a weird position from holding the spike still with my thumb and the nail in place with my first two fingers, my arthritic right shoulder was screaming while my right upper arm was just dead numb, and I’d smashed my left pointer finger several times because of course I did, and g@dd^mmit I was going to make these mofos usable if it killed us all.

And I did. Make them usable, that is. No one died as far as I know.

And then I got them fitted into the rather small plastic bottles of lemonade I bought specifically for the spikes because I don’t really drink things that come in plastic bottles except sports drinks after yard work and sports drink bottles have necks too wide for these spikes. My two ferns have had well over two cups of water each. These are not large baskets of boston ferns. No, I have rather modestly-sized spider ferns in two sm/med planters. And I have watered them this month, just maybe not every week as regularly as I should. They should be sick with water. They should be drowning. Nope, they’re sucking down every drop I pour into their spike bottles. You can practically hear them slurping.

Drama queens.

The pineapple, which really needs replanting in a larger pot, took a fair amount of water but less than the ferns.

New story:

I transitioned from soft cast + das Boot to an ankle corset. The podiatrist called it a brace. It laces and has crisscrossing Velcro straps. I do enough renaissance faires; I know a corset when I see one.

And finally:

A coworker deliberately skipped lunch on Saturday so she would be hungry when she went to the store after work. She hadn’t been buying many groceries lately because the prices are crazy high. Only now she doesn’t have much left to eat. She hoped hunger would override her disgust at the prices and maybe she would actually come up with things she and her husband could make into meals.

Which is an odd way of going about it, but prices are crazy high (well before the student loan forgiveness was settled thankyouverymuch so let’s put the blame for inflation where it really belongs: corporate greed). I wouldn’t have thought any more about it — it is a very Stacy thing to do — but I got a groupon offer for edible arrangements.

First thought: Edible arrangements still exist? Like, really?

Second thought: You know, as expensive (not to mention silly) as veggies carved into flowers is, it might actually be cheaper, or at least no more expensive, than a basket of fresh veggies. It might actually be a great and appreciated gift these days. I kind of wish I hadn’t just deleted that groupon email without at least comparing it to cost of a comparable amount of fresh veggies.

Third thought: D^mn I bet the price for an edible arrangement has gone through the roof. Which circled back to the first thought and how is this still a thing?

p.s. About a month ago (maybe?) I bought good silicone tongs and today for the first time I used them to pick up something very hot off of the baking sheet.