warning: i’m typing on my phone and switching to upper case and other fancy stuff seems like a huge effort. i’ll use proper punctuation, but that’s it. i’ll probably rewrite sentences so autocorrect suggestions will work rather than typing out whole words myself.
if you’ve been reading, things have been really bad at work for the last few weeks. bad to the point where i chatted with a counselor on the crisis website because i couldn’t escape from an anxiety spiral. i’ve spent the last few days sure i was about to be fired.
it make me angry. like incandescent banner-to-hulk fury. i vowed i’d go down swinging.
anger is such an exhausting emotion and, i think, so much worse than tears. so i let myself get all riled up and today. . .
i started feeling unwell about halfway to work. i drove on. rachael tested positive for covid and it’s melissa’s day off and mostly i’m an idiot. and there aren’t many places to actually turn around. and i felt bad but able to work by the time i got to the library.
and then about 45 minutes later i felt really (pretend that’s italicized) unwell. no deets; i’ll just say i got to the bathroom in time. then i spent so more quality time on the bathroom in case i was unwell again. then i cleaned up, told my boss i was sick, that it wasn’t covid because i tested negative but they should wipe down everything i touched to be safe. (there’s been stomach virus going around.)
and i drove home (stopping to be unwell again on the side of a two-lane back road). the unwell (pretend this is italicized and waggling its eyebrows) feeling grew, even after that extra stop. i told myself if i still felt this bad by the time i got to my town, i’d go straight to the er.
gallbladder, appendix, flu, angry spleen? i ran through the symptoms and eliminated possibilities. and then the pain just . . . eased. it didn’t totally go away, but two counties from home it suddenly became bearable. so i went home and started typing this and actually fell asleep mid-sentence and woke and had to pee and realized i feel okay.
so i worked for less than an hour. added 118 miles or so to my car. and discovered that a lemon drop tastes much better coming back up than dark rye toast.
p.s. earlier when i typed “if i still felt” autofill wanted the next word to be “meeces.” yeah, autofill, i miss writing about felt meeces, too.
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