second post. it’s like second breakfast, but not really

i'm not sure what it is. i've felt weird since finishing today's real post. it's just the timing, not the post.

it's maybe the first early warning tremors of a massive panic attack. but maybe not.

have you ever found an old beloved piece of clothing and tried it on and it fits! so you wear it, but it becomes not exactly uncomfortable but just not quite right the longer you wear it? that's how i feel inside my skin. it just doesn't quite fit right.

not pinching. not bunching. not loose or tight or itchy. just . . . oddly wrong.

plus the usual chest tightness. try to relax to help the heart and realize somewhere along the way i tensed every muscle. every. single. one. so i'm shifting my shoulders and stretching my toes and loosening my jaw. and each movement just highlights how tight another area is.

like my thighs. my thighs are super tense. so tense they're hot. except they aren't actually hot?

i meant to just go back to bed this morning but then i got into writing the previous post. and then i needed to start the pork for my work lunches for the week. and do laundry . then it was lunchtime.

now i am back in bed with an anxiet relief affirmations + gentle rain video queued up and queued looks wring no matter how i type it.

anyway, do you know the feeling i described? one's skin doesn't feel quite right like it doesn't exactly fit anymore? i'd love to know i'm not alone in this.

thank you for your patience.