I hate cookbooks — and craft books, for that matter — with unrealistic expectations. I checked out a (very dated) bread book on impulse before leaving work today. The recipes were pretty basic stuff, no great new ideas for me to try.
But that wasn’t the worst part.
It’s illustrated with simple drawings (I told you it was old). The illustration for cheese biscuits is a hand grating the end of a block of cheese. It is very def the end of the block. The curled fingers are just a scant few air molecules away from the grater.
And yet.
The knuckles are not skinned and grazed. There is no blood dripping from under bandages onto the cheese.
Like, who do you think this book is for? Unclumsy people who grew up in the kitchen watching their grandmothers and mothers knead and roll dough every morning? Obviously people who only really learned to bake bread because of shortages during a pandemic just aren’t on your radar.
Full disclosure: I have a funky scar on my right thumb (please note in case police ever ask if I have any identifying scars, etc., the answer is, yes lots) from grating cheese at a friend’s home.* Fortunately it was the surgical PA friend (who had a woefully understocked first aid kit). She managed, after just a few tries, to tape a bandage on tight enough to stop the bleeding (and all circulation to that digit). I did bleed onto the block of cheese before she got the bleeding controlled.
So I buy cheese already grated or shredded. I know there are so many good arguments for grating at home, but whenever anyone, person or book, starts lecturing me on them, I just answer, “I know. But I just don’t like that salty, metallic aftertaste.”
p.s. The grating scar is on the knuckle (which is why I didn’t try to get stitches because there’s nothing to stitch back together) on the outer edge of my right thumb. The other scar on that thumb is about halfway between the knuckle and nail on the inner edge. I got it the first time I rode my bike with training wheels.
p.p.s. When I say lots of identifying scars, I mean lots.
p.p.p.s. I don’t think I ever rode a bicycle after that without injury. Yes, it was before bike helmets, etc, for casual riders, but helmet and knee pads and gloves wouldn’t have prevented most of my bike scars.
*I tried to take a pic but my phone judged it too silly or too icky, and just refused to be a part of this.
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