oh, hi, Intrusive Thoughts, it’s been awhile

Today was vet day. Not Veterans Day, but discuss Torii’s increasing bad kittiness with the vet while the vet gives Torii her annual vaccinations.

Torii lived up to her nickname of wee demon. Altho lately I’ve been calling her “little b-” which was also appropriate today. I won’t bore you with the full story. I’ll just say I made two calls to the vet’s office this morning. First at Torii’s appointment time saying we’ll be late because I’ve been trying to catch her and get her in the carrier for half an hour. Then, in tears, about fifteen minutes later to change the appointment time.

The afternoon attempt of catch and carrier went much better.

We got the special cat exam room directly off of the cat waiting area. We’ve never been in that room before. ooooh. Chillin’ on the bench, ignoring Torii’s whining and growls, I notice a large screen mounted on the wall above my head.

Not like home theatre size screen, but probably twice the size of my tv.

And my brain spent the next several minutes telling me a story.

“It would be terrible if that fell on me. Here’s how it would happen . . .

Two morons, trying to flee the police, cut through the vet’s parking lot thinking it connects to the bypass. It does not connect to the bypass. Trying to avoid a person walking their dog, the morons ram full tilt into the corner of the building. I’m in that corner room. The impact damages the wall. The mounted screen falls as I’m trying to slide across the bench.

Torii is ok. I’m bruised all over, nothing broken, but I need stitches in the back of my head and I have a concussion. EMS takes me to the ER (one block away). I have to call my brother to have him get me from the hospital then take me back to the vet’s office for my cat and my car. And my SIL has to drive us home in my car.”

WTF, brain?!

I used to get intrusive thoughts like this pretty often. Usually at night. Usually involving serious illness or injury. They would leave me crying and exhausted. Sometimes they would last for hours and be so detailed that I’d have to make an major effort to separate them from reality. There were times I was still clarifying what was real days later.

The CBD oil before bed helps. The guided meditations as I sleep help. The crazy stories of terrible pain and fear and anguish gradually stopped.

Until today’s episode.

ugh.