I am brilliant

No, not really. Well, maybe. I have my moments. My moments of brilliance usually come late at night just before I fall asleep. I think of the most amazingly deep and witty and beautifully-worded bits. In the dark. With no pencil or paper at hand (which I couldn't find even if they were on the nightstand right beside me and then, if by a great miracle I did find them, wouldn't be able to write my beautiful words because I've turned out the light and my room is very dark at night thank god). And thinking through the process of turning on the light and getting out of bed and locating pencil and paper would scare off the words. So I just try to hold on to them in the dark and hope I can find their pale shadow in the daylight.

Wow, that all got way more maudlin than I planned. I just meant to say: I had a great idea for today's post with lovely lovely words but I didn't write it down last night so I'm trying to recapture as much of it as can now. If you leave today's post thinking, "meh," please understand that it really was so much better last night. If only you could have read my brain directly . . .

Oh god no, I don't wish that on anyone.

I learned yesterday morning that I can hear my alarm clock from the other end of the house. My house is small, but it seems like an especially wimpy clock, so I was pleasantly surprised. Not happy for the annoying beeping that started out of the blue while I was in the bathroom because I hadn't actually turned off the alarm just hit the snooze and now the cat's freakin' because from a distance the alarm sounds a lot like her squeaking and I guess she thought there was another Torii in the house; no, I was glad to know the alarm was more powerful than I thought.

It's a new alarm clock I asked for at Christmas <pithy comment about how adulthood sucks here>. My old old alarm clock died a few years ago. Well, it was murdered, really. By my cat. Not Torii, the previous cat, Ivan, who has also since passed. Ivan saw a connection between me smackin' the top of the clock and (finally!) getting up to feed him in the mornings. So he started smackin' the clock when he wanted me to get up. He was something of a bruiser and usually smacked the clock off of the nightstand which did indeed get me out of bed but only to cuss and make sure the alarm would still work when I actually needed to get up. So I finally had to replace that alarm clock with what is now my old clock which I never liked as much. And now I have the new clock. It's better than it's predecessor and I may come to like it as well as I liked the poor murdered Timex.

And now (or probably more like 12 sentences ago) you're rolling your eyes and typing in the comments "use your phone!"

I can't use my phone's alarm. I really only relied on my phone as an alarm clock when traveling. I did use the alarm feature a lot as a timer when playing locked room board games at home with friends (which is how locked rooms should be played because you don't have to worry about who touched what before your group came in and you can play in your pjs and you can have a cheese plate and wine while you're playing), also as a second kitchen timer when I get fancy and cook two different things at the same time (like pasta and garlic bread). But now I can't even do that. Because there was an ios update awhile ago. Now my phone's alarm can only be set as an alarm (rather than a spaghetti timer) incorporated into your whole sleep routine analysis program. Note I say "your" because it's definitely not part of my sleep routine analysis program.

My sleep routine: I stay up reading or doing crosswords or sewing until I fall asleep. Then I get up when the alarm rings. If I don't have to be up at a certain time then I stay asleep (or in bed at least) until I wake up. End of analysis. No fancy program necessary.

And I know recording and measuring and analyzing your sleep patterns is a big wellness trend right now. And I'm not dismissing it. Getting enough sleep and getting good sleep is super important for many reasons. It's cool that Apple provides this for users who want it but don't have any of the other numerous products (many made by Apple) which will record and measure and analyze your sleep. It just sucks that Apple decided it's what every iPhone user wants, and even worse, that anyone who just wants to know how extraordinarily well their team did outwitting the mad lycanthrope scientist, well, our opinion just doesn't count.

We don't count.

All of which got me thinking, as one does in endless loops while drifting off -- I don't like 3/4-length sleeves. Or stretch jeans. Or black panne pocket-free slacks for the office (almost always stretchy). I know women who do like these things. Well, not 3/4-length sleeves, but the other things. And I'm glad they have so many choices for jeans and office slacks. I just wish I had some options, too.

Because somebody somewhere decided that all women always want 3/4-length sleeves. That all women prefer stretch denim. That all women want to wear panne to the office and absolutely no woman wants pockets. I like cotton, as jeans or as twill. I'm okay with a little stretch to it, even. A little. Like 95% cotton to 5% lycra (or whatever stretchy addition). And I want pockets, dammit, especially at work. Because even before the pandemic I needed to get into closets and meeting rooms and staff-only rooms and now with curbside pickup I'm taking bags out through a door which will automatically shut and lock behind me sometimes a dozen times a day. And my previous job, actually my last two previous jobs, staff had badges to swipe for entry into all restricted areas and I still needed keys for filing cabinets and supply closets and even elevators. So please just let me buy a couple of pairs of mostly cotton straight-leg (because I also don't care for boot cut) jeans and black twill slacks with at least two pockets.

I'll cut down my own damn sleeves from 3/4-length. I can do that because I am brilliant.

Also because I sew before bedtime.