welcome to my hamster wheel

Have I started every post lately with an apology? I feel like I have. Of course, I don't remember what I have actually posted in the last few weeks, so maybe not.

I think of a post idea. Maybe good, maybe mediocre and in need of a lot of work. Whatever. I mean to write down at least the basics. But I don't. Then I forget what I wanted to post.

Repeat. Except at this point I remember I had an idea -- an effing awesome idea, perfect and fully formed and only in need of typing. So I'm trying to mentally work on the new idea but really all brain power is devoted to recalling the forgotten idea.

Repeat. Except now I know I've forgotten two brilliant ideas . . .

Do you see why I haven't written anything? Yeah.

I feel like physically I'm in a loop, too. A loop of Friday gardening and exhaustion, Saturday work and exhaustion, Sunday commitments and chores and exhaustion, and then weekday exhaustion.

And then there's the perception loop. I get a lot done on my days off. And I give myself an atta-girl pat on the back. And I crash on the couch because I'm fucking* worn out. And I look around and see the million and one things I haven't done and feel like I'm failing.

So that's an intellectual, a physical, and an emotional loop which are really more interlocking infinite mobius strips than simple loops.

And I'm fecking hungry all of the time and losing weight. Until this morning when the scale launched a vicious smear campaign against me. But before that I'd actually crossed a new threshold of weight loss, which admittedly was only about 1.5 pounds less but felt like a bigger deal because of the random importance we put on some numbers.

Which -- I think -- was one of the forgotten perfect posts. I'll never get the original rapturous wording back so we'll all just have to agree it was a super ultra fab post. A post worthy of winning the highly coveted Pulitzer award for random humorous yet deeply insightful blog post -- weight loss category.

Because no matter how beautifully written it was, no witty weight loss blog post can compete against random humorous yet deeply insightful blog posts about pets.

Anyway. That's where my mind has been of late. If you're feeling adventurous then c'mon and double-dutch your way in.

*too tired to censor myself