First, there's a fly in the house. It's been buzzing around all day. So the wee demon has been losing her d#mned mind all day. Catching flies is nothing like attacking toy mousies. She's really really bad at this.
But it's kept her fascinated and frustrated for hours. And squeaking. So much plaintive squeaking, y'all.
If you aren't familiar with the "do not feed the vultures" sign, it's my warning. So proceed at your own risk. And really you're free to turn back when this gets too much. When I get too much.
I've needed to write because it's been bad lately. I haven't written because it's been bad.
I feel like mental illness is made up a lot of this sort of contradictions. Locking yourself away from people fuels depression but being out in public feeds the anxiety. Exercise will help ease the symptoms of depression but one of the biggie symptoms of depression is difficulty getting motivated or even just getting out of bed.
As I've said (quasi apologized before) I don't want to just whine and wail on this blog. It's not interesting for you. And when does venting to clear the negativity just become whining out of habit, unable to move on, focused entirely on the bad?
I think I really do need to vent, tho.
I just don't have the energy to vent.
I can't even remember all of the stuff I've wanted to vent but couldn't.
Maybe I should just list how I've felt these last few weeks. (Remember, you're free to leave when you get bored.)
tired. so tired. worried. frustrating. scared. just dark. bleak. hopeless. ignored. forgotten. overlooked. lost. lonely. lost. did i say hopeless? definitely hopeless. totally alone, like it might as well be me against the final zombie horde, this is where it ends.
Um, okay, I didn't realize how dark I'd gotten until I started writing. This is not good. I don't think I'm at a self-harm stage. I'm more in the cocoon myself in bed for the next few days / weeks. I just need the world to go away for a bit. Not too long. Not forever. Just a while.
I have kitten vs fly antics to pass the time.
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