Hey, remember when most of my posts were along the lines of, "I had an idea for a post but I didn't write it down and now that I'm writing I don't have any ideas"? Yeah . . . So guess what today's post is about.
The Scottish word of the week, per The Scots Magazine, is dumfungled. This wonderful word means to be physically and mentally worn out.
I'm actively trying to deep breathe and otherwise calm myself the eff down. Probably best for my health, at least that's what I'm telling myself. Trying to force calm is, at least for now, adding another weight onto the existing exhaustion.
I don't want to get all whiny -- for your sake and mine. I'll just say I had a pretty good, very lazy day at home with the wee demon.
She's very cozy snuggled on my robe (I tookit off to do dishes).
I'm in danger of falling into the most basic middle class trap. We're getting another raise at work. (Note that I say "we". The board approves a set percent for everyone. There's no merit basis. There's no higher amounts for better evaluations or even based on length of employment. The worker who the others fuss about because they (the worker, I'm trying to avoid descriptive pronouns) does diddly, the staff who have put up with God only onows what for twenty years, and me -- we all get the same unfair-across-the-board 3.5%.)
I need to get away and I know I need to get away. It's hard to force myself to look and apply, to know I'll have to interview and eventually have a first day again. I'll have learn systems and people and how to make it all work. And then walking away from an okay salary, at least by library standards, well, that just adds another hurdle I have to pep talk myself around. (Let's not kid ourselves. There's zero chance of me making it over a hurdle.)
This is what keeps employees from moving on, going beyond to something better. We leash ourselves to our doghouses, proud of our bowls with our names on them. Afraid more than anything of losing the oh so little we have.
The one saving grace, of sorts, is that this raise isn't merit based. It does not represent appreciation or even acknowledgement of a job well done. And the board did this now because, thanks to some crap legislation that passed back in the spring, the county judge/executive controls the library board appointments and library budget so we may never get another raise after this.
It gets easier to walk away when I think of it like that.
Now I need to sign off. I started typing this post on commercial breaks, but now my home internet can't seem to handle streaming and blogging at the same time. Altho I don't seem to be able to save and publisher. Or just save. Or anything really. So this post may not exist tomorrow.
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