I was really going to work on the lighter, funnier draft first, but I've decided this is a conversation I need to have with my boss on Monday. So I'm really just working through what I want to say. It's cool if you want to skip this post.
I don't feel safe at work.
It's not because of uncaring administrators oblivious to reality putting profit above all. The library director truly did everything possible to create a safe library environment for patrons and staff before we re-opened in June 2020.
(To the patrons who still call demanding, "So are you open now?!": Yes, we re-opened 16 months ago. We have had 16 months of continuous library service. We advertised -- and continue to advertise -- in the local paper (no local radio or tv here), on our website, on our Facebook page, with permission on Facebook pages of other local government agencies and community groups, and on our big scrolling sign out front. The week we added a red flag which says "We're open" out front. Really. If you haven't been using library services for the last 16 months, it just ain't our fault.)
But that's all beside the point. Actually, it is beside, as in sitting next to, adjacent to, but not the main point.
The point is the library is and has been humming along. And the director has done what she could to make it safe: PPE, cleaning supplies, plexiglass sneeze guards, socially-distanced reading areas and computer stations, and no touch screen tablets for quick catalog look up. And of course Kentucky had a mask mandate by emergency order of the governor. Oh, and the schools were NTI.
Then there were lawsuits and challenges to what the governor could do with emergency powers. And I'm okay with limiting the power one person has because while I agreed with the governor's use of that power in this situation, who knows how he, or the next governor or the next, will use it later. Since we're a democracy, more or less, let's act like one and vote (indirectly) on big decisions. Which would be great if our state legislature would actually step up and do something now that they have the power. But the ball-less wimps are hemming and hawing and in the end just doing whatever the national party leaders tell them to do, which is nothing.
And while it was decided that individual school systems must make their own masking decisions -- and deal with opposing yet equally angry parents whichever way they decide while the legislators just shrug and say hey it's not my fault -- they (the school systems) can't decide if they need NTI because the legislature has limited schools to ten days of NTI for the school year. And most are looking at the number of quarantined classes and weighing the need now against need in November and December and on as more families -- students and teachers and school staff -- have increased exposure during fall break and halloween and the winter holidays and then it's cold and flu season and there is already such a problem with RSV in the schools and aaaaahh.
And the county I work in has one of the lowest vaccination rates for the state. Maybe the lowest. Less than 30% of eligible people are vaccinated. Almost no one, vaxxed or unvaxxed, will wear a mask without the governor's mandate which is now not a thing. Socially distancing is a joke. If I'm helping a patron and I feel we're too close, I take a step or two back. I guarantee 100% that patron will step forward to close the space between us. And people still haven't grasped the sneeze guard concept, here or at the craft store or at the grocery or at the quickie oil change, even though they've been up everywhere for over a year.
So all of the staff here are vaxxed, which is something. And we're required to wear a mask while at work. Also good. But chances are that any patron with whom I interact is not vaxxed, isn't wearing a mask, will stand too close, and will stand in a weird position so they can hand me their books or library card or whatever awkwardly and with no plexiglass between us.
Patrons have told me how much they hate the sneeze guard. And I have to be professional so I can't say, "Seriously?! What the hell is wrong with you?!" It's a very clear (we clean it every night as part of our ever-expanding closing chores) sheet which restricts patrons only from touching the desk staff. It does not muffle sound. Patrons can still pick up the latest Book Pages magazine, reach the stapler and tape dispenser, rifle through the bookmarks basket -- they can do everything but touch me which I don't want them doing anyway, covid or no.
There are exceptions, of course. There are several parents who only started bringing their kids (and themselves) to the library after the great June 2020 re-opening so they only know the way we do it now and they make sure their kids hold up first the card and then the books to be scanned through the plexiglass. There are patrons who tell me they are fully vaxxed and I actually believe them. We (meaning my co-worker who runs the laminator) laminated several vaccination cards for patrons back in the spring.
This time last year we watched the incident rates slowly climb up out of yellow (1-10 per 100K) to orange (11-25 per 100K) to red (>25 per 100K). And per the governor's orders, offices and businesses in orange and red zones staggered staff and went to curbside services only -- or closed altogether. That's where the library was in early November 2020 -- work teams of 3 or 4 (with one person choosing to take unemployment, which he still hasn't actually received, due to health concerns) running in and out to take books and movies to patrons; to send faxes for patrons; to print, or scan, or print and scan documents for patrons. All to a constant chorus of abuse for following what were then legal orders.
And now we're watching the incident rates, which are consistently in the red and have been for over month. We're celebrating because in this county of less than 20,000 people the incident rate has finally dropped below 50. The red zone recommendations (not restrictions and definitely not mandates): increase vaccination efforts, encourage masking, encourage social distancing, consider postponing large community events. Seriously. That's from https://govstatus.egov.com/kycovid19, the official state covid site. Thanks, y'all.
Breakthrough cases are possible. Exposure is the big issue. The more exposure to unvaxxed, unmasked, too-close-for-comfort patrons, the greater potential a fully vaccinated person (like me) has of contracting covid. Probably a milder case, definitely lower chance of hospitalization or death. But still able to pass it on to others (like my 79-year-old mother with a dodgy heart).
So I do not feel safe. I feel less safe than I did 16 months ago.
At work. Only at work.
Home. I go to the grocery only once per week (I'm going back to fortnightly and not just because "fortnightly" is such a great word). Other shopping is online only. I was in a craft store Labor Day weekend, so a bit over a month ago, and it was such a terrible experience I won't go back in that store, well, I don't know for how long. Spring at the earliest. I was keeping the extra-whatever-percentage-off flyers from various stores, but I just throw them away as soon as I get them now. I'm just not shopping in person. I still get take-out and drive-thru rather than eating in a restaurant. I'm definitely not going out to events, large or small. (Okay, my social anxiety really gives me an advantage living the hermit life, I admit.) And I wear a mask when I do go out.
This is what my family does. And my friends. This is normal to me. The "new normal" we all started way back in spring of 2020.
But in the county where I work? The big fall festival with booths and bands and a parade was a few weeks ago. The unvaxxed people of the county crowded the blocked off festival area on Main St. One of the few masked attendees told me about the hostility she felt from the unmasked. She was staffing a local agency booth, so she had to be there, but she left as soon as one of her co-workers arrived. The "new new normal" here is: ignore the numbers, don't wear a mask and be offended by those who do, don't get vaccinated regardless of how many people in your church and in your family get terribly terribly sick, and generally live your life like covid never happened and isn't still very much happening.
In short (okay almost 1500 words isn't short; I'll try to edit it down before I post I promise): I can't limit my exposure at work. Not even a little teeny bit.
So, dear library director, I understand why you are anxious to report positives -- like increase in patrons physically inside the library, increase in physical book and media circulation, increase in program attendance -- to the board. And to anyone else who demands what the library is actually doing these days because isn't it irrelevant what with Amazon and Google. But please understand me. Understand why I do not feel safe here, why I cringe every time you talk about strategies for getting back our patrons. And understand that when, after a rush, I come to the back for a minute to "cool down" or "drink my coffee" it's because I feel myself right on the edge of an anxiety attack from too many people too close demanding too much. It's not that I'm not used to the library being busy anymore. It's because I am fleeing the desk and the patrons. And too much exposure.
It's not about "busy"; it's about safety.
And unfortunately PPE and cleaners and plexiglass can only help so much against a local population hell-bent on spreading a plague.
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