So going with the most basic pop psychology as seen on TV, I need a project. I need something I control, because let's face it I have almost no control over anything going on in my life including my crazy a%% body and even crazier mind.
At least it feels like I was steamrolled flat in the middle of I75.
But extending that analogy waaaay beyond its breaking point . . . yeah, I was steamrolled and every motor vehicle from motorcycle to semi is barreling down on me at minimum 78 mph. (Yes, the speed limit is 70 mph and the specific section I'm picturing is a 55 mph construction zone, but I75 is not for the weak-kneed.) I can't roll because I'm doing my flatworm impression, but I have just managed to ride the thermals of passing traffic and waft, Walmart bag style, into the median. Now I just have to avoid all of the dump trucks and cranes and probably that da#ned original roller -- because there is no actual median, just the construction -- and clear the northbound lanes and I'm, well, I'm an old grubby plastic bag on the shoulder of a major interstate highway. But I'm out of immediate danger and headed in the right direction.
Probably. Fingers crossed.
So if I really think about it -- in an admittedly ridiculous way -- I have taken control when and where I can. It's been in very little bits, but the bits are adding up.
Probably. Fingers crossed.
The loan is fully approved (yay, I have cancer!). I survived all of the signing without a panic attack or crying fit at the bank. Yeah, I had both when I got home, but I didn't break in public and I'm calling that a win. I should have the money the first week of September. I have a roofer ready to go with a signed contract and everything. (And an estimate from the 2nd roofer in case things go sideways with 1st roofer.) I met a porch/deck contractor and should have his estimate tomorrow. Since he's the only porch guy who responded he probably has the job, but we'll see what his numbers look like. Painter #1 was a no show, but I have two or three more to meet with. They can't all flake! (Can they?)
There's the hell of work. But I'm applying where I can but also trying to avoid trading one bad situation for another. The car needs new tires, so that's next as soon as someone starts repairing some part of the house.
phew
See. I'm not just an old grubby plastic bag. I'm a take-charge grubby plastic bag doing her best on the highway of life.
Leaving the mangled analogy aside, I do need a project that's
of my choice
creative and pretty
cheap
like super duper cheap
like really you-don't-understand-how-incredibly-cheap-I'm-talking cheap
so I can feel a little sense of control and accomplishment.
Idle hands and all that.
Except my problem isn't idle hands. It's where my brain wanders to when I'm doing a repetitive task (cleaning, weeding, etc). Too many inner dialogues; too much chance of going sad and hopeless. I need to keep my mind focused much more than I need to keep my hands busy. So I need a project where I can sit on the couch and watch TV while also accomplishing something.
Which sounds like an elaborate justification for sitting on the couch and watching TV. Which it is, honestly. But it's also true.
So expect pics and descriptions of crafting for a bit.
p.s. I honestly have no idea if this is the post I meant to write. I'm afraid to scroll up to the title.
p.p.s. I think my good phone charger is dying. Also the phone battery, but who cares? That's easier to replace. Because you never know which charger -- if any -- will be the good one.
p.p.p.s. I just imbedded the link to a previous post (where I first compare "second mortgage" to "cancer"). I haven't done the link thing in a long time and I'm pretty sure I've never done it on the mobile app. Is . . . is this proof . . . that I do have . . . maybe one, lone brain cell still functioning . . . still fighting the good fight?
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