I was going to make a missing pet poster but for my mind. Something about how I used to be able to think, and even tho I was no deep-thinking philosopher or super-genius whiz, I could yadda yadda.
I can't even wrangle my thoughts enough to write copy for a fake "missing" poster.
It's just after 4:00 am. I had a hard time falling asleep, never hit real deep sleep, only slept about an hour and half total -- with two bathroom breaks -- and here we are. And all because I cleaned the oven.
Seriously.
I smelled burnt toast. Possibly a stroke, but more likely because I toast bread in the oven. It's been quite some time since I cleaned it. I know breadcrumbs have fallen during toasting. So let's go with the obvious answer.
Something started me on a cleaning binge. A very low-key cleaning binge since crazy movements like bending and stooping and stretching are still non-nos per my gallbladder overlord.
I took everything off of the top shelf in the refrigerator and cleaned the shelf. Which was really pushing my luck. So just before bed I started the oven's self-clean. Which is pretty dang low-key cleaning. (Except for getting everything out of the drawer and off the stovetop. And then in the morning I'll have to wipe down inside the oven and really clean that drawer and of course the stovetop still needs cleaning.)
And hovering at the back of my mind: I've doomed us all, or at least Torii and me. Because running the oven self-clean is tantamount to turning my whole house into a gas chamber.
I have run the self-clean before. I know it's much safer than inhaling oven cleaner fumes while scrubbing away by hand. And yet . . .
I watched -- obsessively watched -- Torii breathing during most of the self-clean 3.5 hours. I was sure she would suddenly stop. When she wasn't sleeping on me (because I'm a jerk who can't stay in one position) I was sure she was dead.
This death thing is not my usual everyday anxiety. I don't like it. And I'm not sure how to stop it. I guess on some level I've decided losing my wee demon is the obvious next step in this sucky bad luck marathon I'm running.
And now I have no end for this post. Because I have truly lost my mind.
Missing
Have you seen me?
p.s. Pretend there's like a pet tag or something on this brain. It's almost 5:00 am and I'm in no shape to do something clever (?) to a free clip art brain image. Thanks.
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