I planned this post as an extended self pat on the back. Yay! I got so much shit done.
But in the shower I noticed a big ol’ bite on the back of my knee. Mosquito not spider, so thank the lord for small mercies.
I have been bitten by a spider. Well, three spiders — assuming one single spider hasn’t been stalking me most of my life. I was a kid (under ten because that’s when my parents divorce) when my dad told me not to be such a sissy for squealing at a spider on my hand. He insisted that type of spider doesn’t bite. So of course it bit me a few seconds later. I tell this story because 1. there’s a permanent (so far at least) mark on my hand and 2. it is a perfect example of my dad’s parenting.
Today’s bite, while not a big deal in itself, made me think of spiders. Because after three bites over forty-odd years, I assume I’m on an international arachnid hit list. Especially since the attacks have come closer together.
Coworker Stacy is very much on team bug (including spiders). She got a nasty bite last week. Clearly not just a simple mosquito bite like I have today. Wendy and I try to explain to her that this is why we should kill the fuckers every chance we get. Stacy of course was not swayed, even tho she noted the bite area seemed full of pus and that maybe there was an egg sack in there that was about to spew spiderlings.
There is a strip of grass between the library and the building next door. It is crazy full of wolf spiders. You watch for just a few minutes and you see those hairy bastards leaping and cavorting all over that grass. It’s like a damn cirque du soleil of arachnids.
I remember when I killed a spider a day for a week in my house. Four of the seven were wolf spiders. So I did what any librarian would do: I read everything about wolf spiders.
And I called an exterminator. Knowing your enemy is all well and good, but they still have to die.
I found a web site from a so-called expert who frankly was pushing some major wolf spider fake news. Oh they’re lone hunters so if you find one in your house it wandered in by mistake and just wants to get out. Help it outside. Wolf spiders were the first to land on the moon, beating humans by nearly a century. A wolf spider cured cancer. Blah blah blah.
I don’t know how much that nut was paid by the spider mafia. Or maybe they kidnapped his kids. Or maybe he really believes it. Whatever. The disinformation stops now.
Everyone line up, shoe up in the strike position, and follow me. We’re reclaiming this planet.
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