Literally.
First: I suck. I promised to keep posting. Yet here we are. It’s been . . . I really don’t know how long. (Sounds like confession.)
My only defense is — I’ve had nothing to post. Seriously. It’s like my brain is just empty. I can barely focus on Looney Tunes or remember what I plan to do once I’m home.
I’m out of my depression. My anxiety scaled back. No more ultra bright days. No more stress rashes that I scratch in my sleep so I wake up with dried blood on my stomach and under my nails.
For now.
I try to celebrate that I’m back, that it’s just normal everyday ups and downs. But I know I’ll fall again. It’s hard to keep any positivity for today when you know tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow you’ll wonder where you hid the scalpel blades.
Two: This post isn’t about depression and anxiety, despite that last four paragraphs about depression and anxiety. But I don’t know what it is about. Or I guess it’s about how I have nothing to say. To anyone, so just know it’s not you.
It’s me. It’s totally me. (Wow, I def just told you how old I am without telling you how old I am.) (And how did that whole thing start anyway? Is it a thing on all social media or just uber-concentrated on Facebook?) (And whatever happened to Throwback Thursday?)
Three: I really hate typing these one two three division headings but I can’t figure out how to turn off the auto list when I type 1. 2.
Four: The closest thing I’ve had to a deep thought in weeks is my idea for extra cyber security. You type your password when you create your online account for whatever — your bank, rewards points for the local pizzeria, whatever. Then you confirm the password by typing it the way you will mistype it when you’re trying to access the account in the future.
My wee demon cat insists on lying between me and the computer, you know, in that space where the keyboard usually sits. So I have keyboard up on the same box that the monitor sits on so it’s at the right eye level thus discouraging me from stooping so much. And then I awkwardly type over her head. Which annoys her until she eventually nips my wrist to make me stop. Which makes my typing even more awkward because I’m dodging teeth. Plus I can’t see part of the keyboard because it’s very dark in the study and there usually a cat butt in blocking my view. So I can usually get my user name in okay, but not so much with the password.
But I’m pretty sure I mistype the password consistently. Meaning the way I mistype it is consistent, not just that I do it on a consistent basis. I already established that. Have you not been paying attention?
I’ve noticed other people are also consistent with typos when using their phone keyboard. You know, consistently typing “s” in place of “a” etc. I can’t speak to their Shanghai Express password, of course, but I bet they do.
So that’s it. Weeks worth of cogitating and that’s all I have for you. That’s not even the best; it’s everything. Hopefully you understand why I’ve kept away.
Now I just want to drink some coffee and go back to sleep.
p.s. I was not paid by Shanghai Express, not even in egg rolls. Shanghai Express recently went out of business and I miss it and so honored it by mentioning it by name in this post. Which is maybe why I never got any free egg rolls.
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