I (mentally) write, or at least plan, awesome posts when I'm not at a computer and too comfy/lazy to get up. And since I deleted the wix app to free space so my ancient phone can run basic updates I can't just post from the couch. Which is a shame because I have a super soft and warm and snuggable duvet on my couch.
(It is still my old couch, beeteedubs. Please join me in hissing at Ashley furniture commercials.)
Since I can't remember what I planned to write when I started logging in to wix (we had a little disagreement about my password so it took longer than usual to get to this typing stage), I guess I'll just wing it. That's worked so well for us thus far.
I guess I can't talk, well type, about my coworker Stacy since she's reading over my shoulder as I type. <pause> No response. I guess we're clear. Actually, I think she felt a bit guilty when she realized I was writing, that this isn't just a blog I'm reading. Which is silly. It's not like I'm sneak-blogging behind her back.
But that's not what today's blog is about. Today I want to tell you about an epiphany I had several days/weeks ago. Time is completely meaningless to me now. (That's not the epiphany, just and explanation of my current state of being-slash-excuse for not knowing how long ago I had the epiphany.)
My epiphany: the cbd oil does help my anxiety. It's not obvious. It's not a nice drift into a peaceful zen state. I don't feel any different.
Or so I think.
It's only obvious when I stop using it for a couple of days. And suddenly I'm crazy stressed by everything.
Every
little
damn
thing.
I catch my brain running through increasingly whack scenarios of . . . well, I don't even know what. Just anxiety feeding into depression feeding into paranoia feeding into self-loathing feeding into more anxiety and on and on until I'm crying over an insane hamster wheel of what ifs.
And then I get back into doing my regular drop in the evening and after a few days, well, I still don't feel any different. But I look back on those thoughts and I wonder what the hell was that about? So obviously there's a really messed up bit of my brain that just needs to be smothered. Or maybe it really needs a Vulcan death grip of shut-the-hell-up. Whatever. A little cbd oil seems to lull it into naptime, at least for now.
Anyway, so that's my epiphany. I didn't write it down then because I was comfy on my ratty old couch.
p.s. Seriously, only buy Ashley furniture available for you to drive home with that day. I've talked to other people who ordered pieces months ago and are still waiting. I understand raw materials have been stuck in ports and that's mired many manufacturers, but if you're going to take more and more and more orders without filling your backlog knowing you won't be able to fill the new orders any better, it's time to look into alternate sources of materials. Maybe even contact frustrated customers, talk options, refund money if you can't work out some other arrangement.
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